Make a difference on this Women’s Day

On this women’s day, I, a woman in tech, analyzed myself. I analyzed my day-to-day life, my career, my motherhood, my married life, my everything. somebody may ask why. I did this because that’s what I like doing. Being self-critical is my first reaction to anything.

During this analysis, while making my review card, I realized this is how it all started. I joined a no-female team where I was welcomed very well initially but soon I started feeling the need to raise my voice in front of some team members. Soon I picked up a fight with a team member where he said I should be extra careful about not leaving my documents next to the printer or how I would have missed my task if he hadn’t reminded me. The last bit I really couldn’t take very well so I gave it back in stern voice that I would appreciate if he stops worrying about my tasks and focuses more on his. Thanks to being-critical nature of mine, I also thought what if it’s just a thing because I am not capable or not so good and not really because of me being a girl. But, soon a new girl on-board experienced the same behavior from another team member. That’s when I realized it’s not just me.

There have been various times where I feel obligated to work extra. I am a mom of a three-and-a-half year old and my husband travels often for work. I try really hard to keep up with work, my travel time, my son’s school and then chores. I sometimes work from home but instead of considering it a facility, I end up over doing it on those days. It becomes no-end-to-work day but still when I walk into my office, people do ask me if I have a set pattern of working from home or “so what days have you decided to work from home” or “were you on vacation”. The last one really drives me crazy. I am not sure to whom and what exactly I am trying to prove but I end up working sometimes 10 hours a day even when there’s no release.

Again, this is not everyone. I have some super supportive male team members who collaborate, listen, share and support in every aspect but then there are some who wouldn’t miss a chance or would not take you seriously just because you are a woman.

This is not the first company where I experienced this pattern. but the most important thing that I learnt from my current job is that changing the team or job is not gonna change people. I have to change myself. I have to be carefree, I have to stop worrying about proving myself to others, I have to stop being perfect, I have to accept that it’s ok to make mistakes in my Pull Requests. I accept feedbacks and reviews as gifts. I strongly believe that you should treat the person who gives you feedback but you need to understand the difference between feedback and sarcasm. Don’t give anybody the right to bring you down. Thankfully I have a super supportive husband who’s also in tech and who listens to every work story of mine. This evening when I told him about something which I din’t get right while coding some stuff and I am extremely disappointed in me, he said, “it’s ok to make mistakes sometimes. That’s how you learn. And it’s just a commit, why you want every single commit to be perfect”. That’s when I closed my laptop and asked myself WHY? Why do I do this to myself every single time? Why I feel the need to perform in every possible sprint, why I have to be a perfect wife, mom, coder, why I have to keep my house super neat and tidy, why kitchen platform needs to be cleaned every night, why I have a prestige to maintain, why its not ok for a girl to make mistake. It’s a general phenomenon that most of the women face at their work in spite of the industry. Trust me, people who say that it’s easy for girls, it gets so damn tough just because you think that it’s easy for us. How much ever we do, you make us feel the need to do extra. As I said before, there are some awesome men who look beyond your gender and believe in working and growing together but there are some who still would need another 10 Women’s day to understand this. Girls, stop being bothered by them and believe in yourself.

Celebrate this Women’s day by believing in yourself and enabling other women at your work.

Let’s understand Heroku

My Take:

#TLDR

As a developer, I like to focus on development and Heroku lets me do that. I can write code & push it out without worrying about infrastructure, scaling, setting up configurations. That’s all Heroku’s job. It’s fantastic – a true time saver and super easy to get started.

Disclaimer:

Analysis based on 2 days study on Heroku.

 

heroku

What

Heroku is a Platform-as-a-Service (PaaS). It allows you to build a custom application and deploy it to their servers without any code changes. Heroku will then manage all the complexity of hosting and running the application.

Why

The value in using a service like Heroku is in the development workflow. You can build an application on your local computer just like you normally would. Then use common Git commands to deploy your application. It makes the processes of deploying, configuring, scaling, tuning, and managing apps as simple and straightforward as possible, so developers can focus on what’s most important: building great apps that delight and engage customers. The idea is have a place where devs in a company can deploy their apps that can truly run and expand in cloud rather than having some dev run a script on their laptop that the company relies on.

It’s extremely easy to start and you don’t need to deal with the infrastructure. For startups that don’t want to spend time and money on setting up their configurations it’s fantastic – a true time saver.

How

It’s extremely easy to get started with Heroku. Onboarding is real quick and easy. We don’t need to deal with the infrastructure. It really just works. For startups that don’t want to spend time and money on setting up their configurations it’s fantastic – a true time saver. These are following must-to-know commands in Heroku to get started. All one has to do is to run these commands and Heroku would be up & running:

  1. Download
  2. Login
  3. Prepare the app
    1. Clone the Heroku demo app
    2. Create using your app
  4. Deploy the app
    1. Create
    2. Push
    3. URL generated, open in browser

UX Flows

  1. Command Line

    The heroku command-line tool is an interface to the Heroku Platform API and includes support for things like creating/renaming apps, running one-off dynos, taking backups, configuring add-ons and managing your app’s state.

  2. GIT workflow

    Heroku uses the Git workflow. You just need to do a ‘git push heroku master’ to push out to Heroku and they will take care of the rest for you (restarting, installing gems, updating files and starting the app again). If you are already using Git for your version control system then this will feel very natural to you.

  3. Heroku Dashboard + Metrics

    Dashboard is where you manage all of your apps and organizations, scale your deployments up or down, and manage databases and add-ons. The new Heroku Dashboard makes all of this much easier and more intuitive, with thoughtfully designed workflows and UI.

    1. Heroku Metrics – a feature within Dashboard available to apps running more than one dyno, gives you powerful insights on the runtime characteristics of your applications, allowing you to seamlessly monitor and fine tune performance within your regular workflow. You have direct visibility into your app’s throughput, response time, errors, memory, and CPU load data, all delivered in an intuitive display designed to help you spot and resolve problems. (https://www.heroku.com/dx)
  4. Heroku Flows

    Heroku Flow is a flexible way to structure, support, and visualize Continuous Delivery for Heroku apps from development to production. It makes CD visual, easy to manage, and accessible to all team members from design, to engineering, to product management, to QA and testers. It does this with the support of three features and integrations:
    1. Pipelines:  a clear and structured workflow for a group of apps that share the same codebase. Apps can be “promoted” to the next stage in the Pipeline with a click in the web interface, or by using the CLI. In either case, the relationship between the stages of your apps in the Pipeline is always clearly diagrammed live on the Pipelines page.
      The Pipelines interface facilitates and visualizes the best practices in CD that we all know and love: frequent iteration, test, deployment to staging, and promotion to production. The “Pipeline,” strictly speaking, is a clear and structured workflow for a group of apps that share the same codebase. Initially there are four stages: “review” (read on), “development,” “staging,” and “production.”

    2. Guthub Sync:  automatic or manual deployment of Pull Requests (PRs) on branches to staging apps
    3. Review apps: automatic creation of a disposable “Review App” for each new GitHub PR. Review Apps provide easier and better testing for features and fixes in isolation, and Pipelines provides better structure for testing and deploying the resulting app. It’s all part of Heroku Flow: better structure for teams to iterate, test, deploy, and run software

    (http://blog.heroku.com/archives/2015/9/3/heroku_flow_pipelines_review_apps_and_github_sync)

  5. Heroku Button

    It is a simple HTML or Markdown snippet that can be added to READMEs, blog posts and other places where code lives. Clicking a Heroku Button will take you through a guided process to configure and deploy an app running the source code referenced by the button.
  6. Dynos

    I like this one. A single thing to scale up and down.
    A dyno is a lightweight Linux container that runs a single user-specified command. A dyno can run any command available in its default environment (what we supply in the Cedar stack) or in your app’s slug (a compressed and pre-packaged copy of your application and its dependencies).
    Adding more web dynos allows you to handle more concurrent HTTP requests, and therefore higher volumes of traffic.Heroku runs dynos in three different ways:

    • Web Dynos: Web dynos are dynos of the “web” process type that is defined in your Procfile. Only web dynos receive HTTP traffic from Heroku’s routers.
    • Worker Dynos: Worker dynos can be of any process type declared in your Procfile, other than “web”. Worker dynos are typically used for background jobs, queueing systems, and timed jobs. You can have multiple kinds of worker dynos in your application. For example, one for urgent jobs and another for long-running jobs. For more information, see Worker Dynos, Background Jobs and Queueing.
    • One-off Dynos: One-off dynos are temporary dynos that can run detached, or with their input/output attached to your local terminal. They’re loaded with your latest release. They can be used to handle administrative tasks, such as database migrations and console sessions. They can also be used to run occasional background work, as with Heroku Scheduler. For more information, see One-Off Dynos
  7. Organization Accounts

    Organization accounts help you manage Heroku applications as a business or other kind of group.With an organization account you can:

    • Treat your apps as a shared collection
    • Give a group of developers selective access to each app in the collection
    • Monitor resource usage across the entire organization
    • Seamlessly add new members and remove departing members, ensuring the right people have the right level of access to each app at all times.
  8. Organization Users and Application Access

    An organization can have any number of each role, but must have at least one admin user. In addition to their member role in the organization, members can be assigned app privileges on specific apps owned by the organization.

    Users can be managed from the Access page of an app in the Org Dashboard

    Two-factor authentication is a Heroku platform security feature. When an user enables 2FA on their account, they are required to log on with a verification code in addition to their username and password, for additional security.

  9. OAuth

    OAuth provides a way to authorize and revoke access to your account to yourself and third parties. Third parties can use this to provide services, such as monitoring and scaling your applications. You can also use these tokens obtained with OAuth to grant access for your own scripts on your machine or to other applications.

    1. Web application authorization allows third parties to ask for and gain access to the resources of a Heroku user, which they can then use to provide services and features on top of the Heroku platform.
    2. Heroku API (https://devcenter.heroku.com/articles/oauth#scopes)

Things to Consider

  • Advantages

    1. No Ops (Almost) – Developers can focus on product development rather on managing infrastructure – this is especially relevant for small start-up’s who need to roll their code quickly into production and focus on new features, not Ops.
    2. Easy setup – as a PaaS you don’t need to know how to install and configure Apache, nginx, unicorn, passenger, MySQL, Postgres etc
    3. Easier to scale initially – spin up more dynos, size up DBs etc.
    4. Great plugin support for third party apps
  • Disadvantages
    1. You cannot control the exact configuration of your application with Heroku, in terms of hardware, OS, firewall, versions etc. You have to use their standards (for me it was non-issue so far).
    2. For high volume applications, they charge premium. Meaning you might end up paying for them more than you would have paid for comparable capacity in EC2.
    3. Lock-In – since you aren’t managing your infrastructure you can’t move it to take advantage of savings
    4. Performance – Not surprisingly , multiple Heroku Dyno’s are running on same EC2 instances under separate namespaces (containers); on large scale infrastructures ,with serious traffic this can cause a serious performance problem, which eventually can impact your business.
    5. Dyno is a “Black Box” ; you cannot SSH to your Dyno and debug a memory/cpu/disk io/network bottleneck.

Competitors

  1. Cloud Foundry
  2. Open Shift
  3. Google App Engine
  4. Engineyard
  5. Appfog
  6. App42Paas

Conclude

If I have to pick, Heroku Dynos, Heroku Button and Heroku flows are my top picks if I want to use Heroku.

References

  1. https://dashboard.heroku.com/
  2. http://www.tomsitpro.com/articles/paas-providers,1-1517.htm

Don’t raise a kid, raise a good human being

kid

I have been asked this plenty of times either by new parents or parents to be or total strangers on social media. So i just thought of collecting all my thoughts about it and put it as a short blog.

Kids are nothing but you. You say he’s stubborn or creative or well mannered, all this comes from you. They follow you. They just imitate you and eventually become you. All my life, I have seen people disliking some traits of their parents and exhibiting the same behavior when they become adults. So, once you have a kid, it’s probably the high time, you revisit yourself as a person. You bear the responsibility to raise a human being so why not to do it the right way.

I have a few pointers from my experience as a kid as well as a parent:

  1. Don’t fight in front of them. Rather discuss without raising your voice, use dignified language and appropriate gestures. It is a great quality but hard to master. Wait, I’m not saying that you can’t have arguments. In fact, you should have arguments in front of them. When a kid grows up thinking a good couple doesn’t have disagreements, which is so not true, they don’t know how to deal with it themselves. In any intimate long term relationship, you will have arguments, be it your sibling, parent, spouse or a close friend.Rather than avoiding arguments in front of them, model how to have arguments without hurting or shaming the other person. You can have different views about the same thing which shows them that there can be different perspectives of the same thing.
  2. Don’t drag petty issues. Discussing things like how something should have been cooked or done for really long time, just to prove your point is shallow. Another petty example that I have noticed in a lot of couples is that if their spouse is late for somewhere, they get extremely upset which is still ok for couple of minutes but then they don’t get over with it and instead talk about the same thing for the whole evening and eventually ruin it.It’s all about being easy going and let small things go which don’t have any importance in a bigger picture. Your kids will inherit this from you and trust me, you don’t wanna see your kids doing such things.
  3. There’s a great possibility that you and your partner have different ways of handling your kid in a situation. Don’t let your kid know about it. Please work as a team. It’s really important. Not just now but also when they are teenagers. It gets more complicated then. If you don’t have consensus on something, take a time out and discuss. Your kid should believe that you are a team and none of you have him/her as a preferred side. Otherwise it makes them biased and eventually manipulative.
  4. Don’t gossip. Be it with or about friends, cousins, colleagues, a big no. A total waste of time and destructive in terms of personality.
  5. Don’t talk racism/color/cast/creed if you want them to be a good human being.
  6. No sex, no dirty talks, no abusive language. It’s almost equivalent to abusing your own child.
    There are many should/shouldn’t, dos/don’ts and everybody has their own way of raising kids. Just remember one thing, you are not raising a kid, you are raising a human being and him/her being good or bad completely falls upon you. It’s a huge responsibility.

Country of Nirbhayas, 6 to 60 year old!!!

From past few days, I open the ndtv app after every couple of hours to check the update on a specific news. The news of 6 year old, raped in her School has shaken the country. Has it, really, or it’s just a cliché as now-a-days, there are plenty of these sorts. I totally remember during my childhood, reading such news in a local newspaper always used to affect me the most.

Coming from a small city, I was very sure that I should not be out after 8 pm. And if at all, then should be escorted back home either by a friends’ parents or my parents. Then I moved to a bigger city, Delhi. To be specific, Gurgaon where the feeling of being insecure got so deep rooted in my blood that I would not go out after 6:30 pm. I got some peace when I moved to Bangalore, being a pub-city, open culture, so called secured city and mostly out with my boyfriend, who luckily is my husband now. From past few years, I was happily living in the city with the feeling of being secured which is completely shattered after reading this horrified story.

So this happened in her SCHOOL!!! The place where we leave our kids and go to offices with our eyes closed. We don’t trust maids, day cares but now, not even Schools. I‘ll be rudely honest here that when I first heard about this, all I thought was “Thank God I have a son”. But within a few minutes, the woman inside me overpowered the selfish mom. How could I be so petty? As I’m reading and following more, joined the protests too, the anger inside me is just increasing because I never felt so helpless before. The feelings became more intense when I learnt that the same guy used to come to our apartment to teach skates to my friend’s kids and she was planning to send them out with this monster for a competition. That brings the fear even nearer. When I read more, it gives me a little satisfaction that I haven’t forgotten about the incidence. It makes me think that I get a little closer to feel the pain but then I realize that I’m so wrong. No one other than the lil girl and her parents will actually understand what they are going through. We read, protest, talk and then forget but they are living with it. Every morning, they wake up with it.

With all these feelings and rage inside me, I have put Bangalore also in the list of the tainted city now which is no longer safe and certainly not the place where I would want to raise my kids. Then I think is there any city in India which is safer. That’s when I realized that this country itself is not safe. Can I say anymore? Not really. When I look back at my childhood, my close friends’ childhood or a lot of gals who recently spoke to me about it, I realize that we all have been victims of either a cousin or an idle susheel bhaiya in the neighborhood or your school bus conductor or a dance teacher, or the list will never end.

Then I think deeper that was this just my generation who faced these life changing abuses as a child or teens or college students or professionals or a 60 year old woman, gosh, again the list wouldn’t end. How easily and clearly we are blamed for all this as we are so called rebellion kinds; we wear shorts, skirts, we go to parties and hence invite such things. We can’t be sure as our moms dint talk to us about all this. They should have. Did they face the similar abuses? Off course they did.  How can we forget about Draupadi who was humiliated to about to be nude in public? Were women not hidden under their veil then? How did this happen then?

The truth is that men born in this country are still Yudhishthir who think that woman is their possession. They can own and use her however they want. And we women, probably when become moms fail to teach our sons that you should respect women. She is not to be used or not “something” to satisfy one of your needs. She is a human being. Why all the indian gaali(abuses) that they learn while becoming men are about gals getting fucked. Probably, we parents need to tell them that language talking about gal getting raped or fucked is not the happ talk.

I’m sure that the men are changing and becoming more sensitive but with that, psychopaths are also increasing exponentially. Or it’s just that the more cases are being reported now. I’m highly confused at this point. From draupadi, to nirbhaya, to blind kids, to 6 year old, to 60 year old, really don’t know if this will ever end. And unlike a hindi movie, my post has no happy end. I don’t think that things will change remarkably except that we will become more cautious about our kids, their teachers, our relatives, society and would end up by not trusting anybody and teaching the same to our kids too which certainly has its own social impact.

Enjoy the Motherhood, till it’s charm lasts!!!

          Motherhood comes in phases and so does the articles about it on Social Media. All I was reading and following from Working mom, SAHM, finding your own sanity, having ME time, I have finally arrived to a new feeling. Why nobody told me about it before? Why nobody blogged about it?

          While finding various ways of entertaining my son, giving him ample structured/unstructured outdoor play, indoor play, no TV/less TV, feeding healthy/making him eat on your own, reading and singing to him, chanting mantras for positive influence as he picked up talking when he was one and a never-ending list, i was loosing it completely. It was intimidating and i was loosing my sanity.  But, before I could loose it completely, I started doing everything which would make me happy. My work, my dance, my cooking, my blogs, my game of thrones. All “difficult-to-find-time-for” things became so precious and close. I never felt this passionate about MY things before. My son’s afternoon nap became the most happening time for me as it was my time.

          In the meantime, he turned almost 3. THREE!!! Yes, he’s gonna be three in another two months now? He has already started going to play school. As we are working parents, he stays there for extended hours till 5. Don’t feel terrible. Working parents have no options. So, i live with it and also feel good about it as I see he enjoys it so much. He has stories to tell from his school everyday.

So if everything seems working in place, what is bothering me!!!!

          Well, my pain is that why nobody told me that he’s gonna be this big, this early. Why nobody told me that don’t try to find your passions and independence when he’s a toddler. You have all your life for it. But with your little one, all you have is these three years where he needs you the most. After that, he will have his school, his friends, his favorite teacher (I envy her already). Till three, you are their world. They love you unconditionally. They wait for you in evening. They want to see you as the first thing in morning. They are clingy all the time which annoys you so much. And what do I have now? A VOID.

          When I work from home, nobody asks me to play. Nobody makes me take short breaks, nobody wants me to return from washroom soon. I wait for him to come back from school. I switch on TV sometimes when Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood is on TV. If i tell him that there is no school today, he says he’s gonna miss his teacher which in a way, reassures that she is wonderful but makes me an absolute J. But, he’s already three now and I can’t change anything. I am his mom and will always be but I feel blessed for the break that I took for couple of months when I was just his mom. Sometimes I want to be JUST A MOM. That makes me proud. I wait for his vacations now. He can’t be a toddler again so I hope I do better with my next child and enjoy the motherhood till it’s charm lasts!!!

Beti Bachao campaign, selfie, PR stunt, there’s more to it!!!

I have been hearing and reading about “Beti Bachao, Beti Padhao” campaign by Modi government. Wait, a prerequisite here. I am assuming that all the Indians who are on internet already know about it. If not, please go and read about it before making a comment on the campaign. So as always, we, the highly-opinionated-Indians, have to make comment about anything and everything. Whether we know about the subject completely or not. For instance, Shahid Kapoor’s wedding is another thing which my friends have been fondly discussing these days. Shahid Kapoor is marrying a teenager, blah-blah-blah. My reaction to that is “What’s your problem”. Ok, coming back to the point without derailing the discussion, my point of view on Modi’s Beti campaign is that it will definitely raise the awareness and improve the condition which is pathetic by-the-way. Plenty of districts in India have a skewed sex ratio. But, this post is not about my opinion. Oh wait, it is. It’s my blog not someone else’s Facebook wall post. So, to the people, who mentioned that it’s a PR stunt from Modi, let me give some facts here.

           Beti Bachao andolan(Save girl child campaign) was started by Madhya Pradesh Chief Minsiter, Shivraj Singh Chauhan in 2011 (http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-national/tp-newdelhi/chauhan-launches-beti-bachao-abhiyan/article2527383.ece)
Similar such campaigns happened in other states too and worked well on state level. Nobody questioned that. This is a bigger version of such campaigns and publicized at a larger scale because Modi is the face of it. He knows that people all across the world are obsessed with taking their selfies and utilized it. Please don’t even make me talk about people who keep on taking their selfies while having serious conversations. No derailing, come back…
I even met with people who said that we wish we had a girl, we would have sent our selfie too so I don’t see a problem in this campaign. If it changes even one person’s mind-set, its worth doing it.
           If you still insist that its a PR stunt, lets assume that it is, so what?? It’s not harming anybody. Its doing a betterment in society so it’s good to have such stunts.
 female-infanticide-statistics
           Now, there are some people who are saying that the target audience won’t even know about the campaign because they don’t have access to electricity, cell phones, etc. Do you even know who the audience is. People who kill their girl child are not all the poor who live in villages. You can find a big number of such people in places like Delhi, UP, Haryana, etc. who do this heinous crime. These are educated and many belong to higher middle class too. On the other hand, I know so many poor who worship their daughters because they think they are goddess. I’m stating this because i meet such people every year.
           In short, we don’t have to criticize every thing just because it’s done by government because we love gossiping, because we need a topic for our morning tea and late night parties. You have a problem, do something to make things better first. Do not criticize, at least not when it is a good thing.

We were close at some point in time

Sometimes I used to wonder why I had so many close friends/people till few years back and where are those gone now? Why some people who were really closed to me are not part of my life anymore. We never had a fight or argument! But then u get busy and forget about such thoughts.

And then this happens. Today, I learned that one of those people never thought that I would do better than her but I did. I had no courage to ask in what aspect she was comparing us but it made me feel yuck. I don’t want to believe on what I learned because now when I look back, I had better memories with those people and that weird situation between us was at least better than this information.

If rest of those close people who have gone away from me because of the similar reason, I’m glad that we don’t talk anymore. If not, then I’m still trying to figure out what happened.

IMG_0321

I wish but I won’t

I see you falling sometimes but I won’t stop you. I know you will run, fall and run again. I hear you cry for me every time you fall but, I won’t soothe you.

I see you try to deal with new things in school, make friends, fight, cry. I come near you, see you crying but I won’t hug you. I know you will be stronger one day.

On some rainy nights, when it’s gets scary outside, you try hard to fight with fear, sob under your blanket. You try to sleep. I see you from outside your room but I won’t calm you. I know you’ll conquer your fears one day.

I see this woman doesn’t pamper you the way I did but I know you are a big boy now. You can handle this. She’s not bad either. It’s my problem. I was always this over protective, helicopter mom. I WAS.

I don’t hug, calm or kiss you because I can’t. I don’t exist now. The truth is, every time you fall, I cry with you. When you are scared on those nights, I wish I could hold you tight and say, “don’t worry baby, mommy is here” except that I’m not. 

How I wish I could have spent some more time with you. How I wish I can tell you that you are never alone. It’s just that you can’t see, hold, hug or kiss me but, Mommy is here.

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Think highly of yourself Gal

How important it is to think highly of yourself when you are being judged for not staying late in office while other male team members are taking late night cabs from office. My suggestion is rather be proud of yourself that you leave from office on time and in spite of reaching home all drained-out, you install new energy to play with your kids, try to spend some quality time with your spouse, tell bed-time stories to kids and do your best at being a mom and a wife.

How important it is to think highly of yourself when you are being judged for not driving well. Only in India, people joke about women driving. I don’t understand the exact reason but it is probably because we come from a patriarchal society and women driving car was probably a big deal. We should, instead, appreciate women that in the “never ending list” of their tasks, they also added a new skill (sorry for sounding technical), which comes with a new responsibility while making them independent at the same time. In fact, in my opinion, since women are very cautious and worried about others not getting hurt on roads, they are careful and drive slow.

How important it is to think highly of yourself when you are always made fun of for your multi tasking and not concentrating on one thing. They forget the fact that because of that multi tasking, you successfully manage your office, evening calls and very importantly, your home.

How important it is to think highly of yourself when your Stay-At-Home-Mom friends try to bring you down by saying that “how could you send your kid to a day care” or “Sooooo, You don’t cook fresh for them because you are working!!!” Don’t feel bad. They are actually praising you. Tell them yes because, you love your work. That’s your identity. They found theirs by being SAHM and you by pursuing your career. And trust me, even if no one else, at least your kids are going to appreciate you for this later. As a gal, it gives you a lot of confidence to be raised by a confident working mother.

Be proud of being a woman, making the world beautiful, chirpy and colorful and if somebody tries to bring you down, I insist that you let them know how it’s gonna be when you are not around.

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You won’t get another life

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara!!! What a movie it was!! Beautiful people, melodies songs and a great message, “You won’t get another life”. I watched the movie, debated with couple of close friends and very comfortably forgot about it. My life wasn’t bad at all. Had a wonderful husband, cute lil kid, good job, good friends, some annoying ones too but it was all good. I won’t deny though that I was a bit stressed sometime as I was a new mommy,  not spending much time with my kid, had some people around me who din’t like me and made it too obvious, few competitive ones too and i was stuck in the vicious circle of being busy, no vacation, talking about traffic, etc, etc. Well I was doing pretty good in my career. I was enjoying my work thoroughly and was about to get promoted in couple of more months as told by my superiors couple of times and then hubby got an assignment in the US and I left all this as i always wanted to spend sometime in US. It wasn’t an easy call but i knew i had to do it.

Then the life changed upside down. I, who had been working for so many years, was at home all the time, spending time with a super energetic hyper kid which was kind a overwhelming and honestly I dint enjoy it. I was a nagging wife, would call hubby couple a times at work, shout and would go mad if he’s chilling out with friends on a Friday evening. I was desperate to get my Work Permit and in between we planned a trip to San Diego. It was wonderful and very satisfying trip where we three had spent some quality time together. During the trip, i just had a thought that what else i was looking for in my life. Is this not the most precious thing of my life!!! But such thoughts don’t last once you are back. So i did a small trick. Sat down, made a plan to do all the things that i wanted to do, joined couple of classes, found a kids club, found a dance class, yoga class and got back to my cooking but here was the real trick. I added a reminder to my phone which said “Be Happy and Thankful for what you got”. That reminder worked like a miracle. It rang for two continuous days and i checked and then tried changing my mood. By the third day, it rang and i just smiled that i don’t have to change anything. i was already happy. I started loosing weight which was my long time agenda, started going to dance class which is my passion, started taking long walks with my darling son, started playing and singing old songs to him as he is into singing and again it was my agenda since he was born. Baked the yummiest cup cakes.

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And one day, i realized what a perfect life i have now. Its not about cooking or dancing or yoga, its about doing things which are on your list and you are waiting for that one day. Thank God i got my one day this soon. What if I was back in my country and had never gotten this chance. What if i had been making the list of these things and cribbing about not doing any of these!!!! Scarryyyyy!!!!

Its not that I don’t want to get back to work now. I can’t wait for it. Have already started going to coding clubs, meetups, oh yah, Im an IT girl by profession 🙂 but as of today, I don’t have any regrets of not doing things which i always wanted to. I spend my time the way I want, Im not stressed, Im more spiritual, have no negative thoughts, I don’t hate the people who don’t like me now, I dance, run, cook, eat, take vacations, take pictures and creating my memories because Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara 🙂